I Don’t Belong Here

by | Sibella

I don’t belong here. In this place. In this family. In this life. 

I’m sure we’ve all felt that way, and probably thought we were the only one to ask, “why am I here?” The only one to question the purpose of our existence. Especially when we have so much to be grateful for.

I don’t belong here, is a feeling that comes upon me without warning. As if a wave of someone else’s consciousness is passing through me. Except it happens a lot. More than I would like. And not just the alien feeling either. There are lots of sensations I experience which seem completely disconnected from my life. Sensations that cannot be explained by what’s going on.

They’re not reactions or memories. I don’t feel a thought the way some people do, the way a cognitive-behavioural therapist might expect you to. It’s something else altogether, and it reminds me that my experiences cannot be interpreted by the systems in place. It reminds me that I’m being asked to write new ways of understanding what’s going on, the way all bringers of yet unknown wisdom are asked to be different, to see the world differently, and to find new ways of being here.

We’re not meant to feel like we belong. Otherwise we’d just become artists or architects and never know what we’re being asked to do. But in the conversation on the planet at the moment, that alien feeling sticks out like an unmade bed or an overgrown garden that needs to be tended. An imbalance that needs to be healed with a certain type of attention.

That’s part of the existing system. The way of a problem-solution matrix. The way of etheric manifestation – from spiritual void to physical manifestation. The way of Kabbalah and enlightenment and self-actualisation.

In the yet unknown wisdom, that alien feeling is not a problem to be solved or a sign that we need to learn how to protect ourselves from other people’s sensations. It’s an invitation to be who we are! And like it or not, that feeling is sacred. Even when it feels otherwise.

In the yet unknown wisdom, we are all living masters with nothing to fix, change or heal. Everything about who we are and how we show up is part of our sacred wholeness, and can be explained as a vital welcome ingredient. No more ego versus higher self. No more “stuff” to clear. No more bad childhoods or good luck. In the age of oneness we recognise and take responsibility for exactly what is, however that sounds. In the age of oneness we deliver ourselves from suffering not by removing obstacles and smoothing our path but by being present to what is as sacred. But then if you’re reading this, chances are you already know.

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