A Leaf in the Breeze

by | Sibella

When I was sixteen, I told my surrogate mother how I saw the world. “I feel like a leaf in the breeze; being delivered wherever and whenever I need to be”.

She was horrified.

As a mystic, her concept of life revolved around layers of reality that require you to protect yourself from evil and ceremonially purify from contaminants we encounter everyday – energies and thoughts that we absorb most times through no fault of our own.

To her, the world was full of powerful magic that one needed to guard against by becoming powerful enough not to be deceived and tormented by it. “You can’t be without will!” she replied.

“You must make a conscious choice to guide your life in a particular direction or lest become a victim of circumstance.”

Did I mention I was sixteen?

Her words were like cold metal on my skin. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t even sure how I felt; about being shut down (without asking me anything); about being chastised by the woman I loved; about standing in a place where everything I thought I knew was suddenly thrust into doubt. Except this was not the first time my ideas had been challenged.

Most of my assumptions about the world did not fit the running norm. Even as a child I had a theory about how molecules fit together. A theory that would only come to light many years later in the scientific community. Such is the experience of an oracle; of anyone who comes in to bring new light to bear. And I am not alone.

Along the way I have met amazing people with incredible knowledge about their role here on Earth, and few of them fit  the bill. Few of them could hold down a job or run a family household (at least the way you were supposed to). According to the rules, we are judged by what it looks like and what it feels like is reduced to a barometer of good/bad/ugly or positive/negative/up for attention.

But this is not the only way. For those of us who carry something unknown into the world, something that cannot be understood yet, our lives are well beyond the reach of existing universal principles. We cannot judge our lives according to “the best thought brings best outcome” philosophy (and why would we?). So when we meet what appears to be a challenge, we accept what is.

Because I am the way I am, I questioned myself. Questioned my whole philosophy, and set about to discover what direction I might steer my life (if I no longer let life steer me). And you know what I found? That no matter how I experimented, I cannot be any other way. The universe made me a leaf in the breeze for a reason.

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